ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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