Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
