Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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