I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
