k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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