my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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