so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
