whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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