Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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