It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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