remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
