oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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