i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
