fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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