phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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