she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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