I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
