no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
