I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
