i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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