i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
