last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
