the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
