I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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