The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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