Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
