I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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