sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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