Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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