I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
