I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
