It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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