Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
