did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
