i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
