u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
