It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
