So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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