So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's blow job season.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
