Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
