I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
