I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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