these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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