Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
