Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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