apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is wine microwaveable?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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