he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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