Will you blow on my dice?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
