I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
