We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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