We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
