He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
