put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
