is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
