Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
