Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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