mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
