I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
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I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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