ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
