Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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