let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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