god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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