thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
