Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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