how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
