I cockslap morals
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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