don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
