i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
