i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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