My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
