Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize