I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
