Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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