She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
