I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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