I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
