Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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