I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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