So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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