I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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